As a fifteen year old, I was moved to Alabama to live with my father and grandparents. My mother was in a coma due to a car accident caused by driving under the influence. I started attending high school in my new home. Months later, I found out I was pregnant.
My mother, now out of her coma, had me move home to Las Vegas, Nevada. I was taken to an abortion clinic. I found out there that I was 23 weeks along. The clinic refused to perform the procedure unless I could pay another two thousand dollars. My mom did not have enough money and that ended the abortion route. I was relieved as I did not want the abortion. I wanted to parent.
Since I knew nobody in Vegas, and the birth father soon chose to cut off contact and explained he was not interested in parenting, I realized I had to go back to the drawing board and make another plan. Single parenting was not my idea of what I wanted for my baby.
I approached my mother about the idea of an adoption plan. My mother instantly remembered an old boss she had worked for sixteen years prior. My mother dialed her old phone number, and the boss actually answered the phone. They were both taken aback by the shock and disbelief. I spoke to her on the phone and soon met Carrie.
Carrie and her husband had adopted two previous children through LDS Family Services. They had just finished creating their profile and becoming active with the agency a few weeks prior to me calling them. I knew that I wanted to place my child and that I wanted to place with them. Carrie’s family was “perfect” and loving. I knew they were the right family because it felt really right. My son was theirs. I wanted my child to have a mom and a dad. I felt the baby’s presence within me right away, and felt it was my job to bring him to earth and for someone else to parent him. I was concerned about the first ultrasound and my emotions, but when I saw my baby’s face on the monitor I was okay. The adopting mom, however, was sobbing, because she knew that it was her son.
Through my pregnancy I started to think more about God. I prayed regularly and felt my Heavenly Father guiding me and strengthening me along every step of the way. During my pregnancy I listened to my heart. I knew there had to be a greater purpose to life. God creates families and I got to experience a little bit of that with placement. In the beginning, I saw Trent often. Probably every month or twice a month, because they lived down the street. The Adopting Parents accommodated my need to see him and were kind. I relied heavily on the support I found at LDS Family Services and from my case worker. I spent as much time their as possible. I felt it was where my feelings were safe.
A few years post-placement, I felt the need for more support outside my circle. I began googling for birth mother retreats and came upon an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. I found the woman who ran these retreats on Facebook and asked about the details for the next one. I could not afford to go to the retreat so the organizers held a spot for me and worked out a payment plan. They found me a ride to the retreat in Lehi, UT. Going to the retreat changed my life. Prior to this experience, I wasn't able to say how I truly felt and that I was okay and that there were other girls like me. One of the most powerful truths I learned through the retreat was that it was all out of love. I hadn't allowed myself to believe that until I gave myself permission to be honest.
Adoption is beautiful.